It truly does change you.
As I sit and write this blog about my first experience in Eswatini, I struggle to find my words. I struggle to find the strength to ultimately put it all into words. I struggle to open the vault of raw emotions I stored away since my return. Emotions that are new, ripe, and unprocessed. If I sat here and told you my experience was 2 weeks of joyful travel and amusement, which many assume, I would be lying. Although there was an abundance of joyful, loving, and happy moments every single day, it was still by far the hardest 2 weeks of my life. It truly did change me.
When I started working for Heart for Africa (Canada) on September 5th, 2023, I was told I’d be heading to Eswatini in November of 2023. I was thrilled! Who gets to travel to Africa 2 months into a new job? I was extremely grateful and excited for the opportunity. I patiently waited for the day I’d get to fly 2 hours to Atlanta from Toronto, and then 15 hours to Johannesburg, by myself by the way. I sat on the plane and mentally prepared myself (or thought I did) for what the next 2 weeks were going to bring, with the knowledge I’d acquired from my 9 weeks of Heart for Africa (Canada) experience. Little did I know, nothing could have truly prepared me for what I was about to experience.
Project Canaan was just beautiful. Everything from the size of the property itself, the buildings and ongoing construction, to the level of sustainability that is present on the property, is all beyond amazing. As a staff member who’d already been shown and told everything about Project Canaan, it was shocking to see that it was so much more than what I had envisioned. The kids were so happy, respectful, kind, cute, funny, and just so full of joy and constant smiles. I mean the babies weren’t always smiling, they cried too, but let’s be real they’re babies.
The hard part was leaving Project Canaan and heading into the rural communities. Leaving the smiles and the joy, and entering what seemed like a different world. A world of horror in my eyes. Extreme poverty, severe hunger, child rape, adult rape, theft, baby dumping, extreme homelessness, kids having kids, murder, extreme malnutrition, death, fear – horror. Visiting homesteads and bringing supplies and food to families who have 4,5,6, sometimes 10 or more family members, where that food may be their ONLY food that week, or that month, was hard. Going to feed 120+ kids in one day where that may be their ONLY meal that day, or even that whole week, was hard. Driving around in the rural communities and seeing 4-year-old kids walking on the streets by themselves was hard. Seeing people in the community severely malnourished and just wanting to help them, was hard. Hearing about the high amount of children being rape victims was devastating, or seeing the amount of girls under the age of 15 who are pregnant, most often from being raped, was gut-wrenching.
Going back to Project Canaan where there’s an abundance of love, food, joy, and safety, on days where I just experienced or witnessed something horrific in the community, was really hard. My biggest challenge was navigating my happy emotions and being thankful that 390+ kids get to have a home where they’re loved, fed, and kept safe, with my sad and angry emotions about what I saw out in the community. It sometimes made it really hard to go to sleep at night.
The hardest part of my experience was being a part of a baby rescue for 3 babies. It was 9 o’clock on a Wednesday morning, November 22nd, I will never forget, when Janine told me I was accompanying her to go pickup 3 babies that needed a home. That was the wildest thing I’ve ever been told first thing on a Wednesday morning. I still haven’t fully processed that entire experience, and am holding back tears just writing about it. Even though you are rescuing these babies out of a horrible situation, and you know without a doubt that this is the best thing for them, that they will live the best life they could ever live at Project Canaan, they will be safe and loved, it doesn’t erase the gut-wrenching feeling you have when you’re walking away with someone else’s baby in your arms. Nothing prepares you for that. I held one of the babies who was 2 weeks old in my arms as he slept, and the two Aunties held the other 2 babies, for about 45 minutes all the way back to Project Canaan where their new life would begin. Yes, in our arms, no car seats in Eswatini. November 22nd, 2023, changed my life forever.
On my last day, I visited one of the babies we picked up. She was 11 months old. One of the Aunties told me she was having a hard time adjusting and hadn’t smiled since her arrival a couple days before. Understandable since she was in a completely new environment with people she hadn’t seen before. I sat with her and tried to play with her. The first little bit she wasn’t really sure, when all of a sudden, she starts smiling. I immediately looked at the Auntie and we both smiled. I continued to play with her and she smiled, giggled, and held onto me until I left the baby home. That was the most heartwarming, amazing, and touching experience I’ve ever felt. A full circle moment of being a part of her pickup, to having her in my arms and witnessing the first time she smiled. I miss her everyday.
Like I mentioned earlier, even though those 2 weeks brought joy, love, happiness, and fun, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t also the hardest 2 weeks I’ve ever experienced. The extreme poverty and the horror that goes on there is something you can’t understand until you see it with your own eyes. You can watch all the videos, look at all the photos, read all the stories, you still won’t get it until you go and see it. Many people will set aside their emotions from experiences like these, or distract themselves from the pain they witnessed, but I don’t want to be distracted. I don’t want to forget how bad it is. Even though I had a really hard time, and still am, I get to use all of that as fuel and motivation in my job. Every day I get to wake up and know that everything that I do at work means something and I am doing everything I can to alleviate the very serious challenges Eswatini is currently facing and to bring HOPE to the people living there.
It truly does change you.
Jocie Breton, Marketing Coordinator, Heart for Africa (Canada)
Would you like to Experience Eswatini in 2024? Click the link below for more information!
