Thursday, September 5th, marked 1 year of me working at Heart for Africa (Canada). I woke up that morning thinking it was going to be a regular workday with perhaps a touch of celebration at the end of it. However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t processing a lot of unexpected thoughts and emotions that day while looking back on this past year.

In the first nine weeks I was employed, I traveled to Atlanta, Vancouver, and Eswatini, Africa, all for work. How awesome? I traveled to Eswatini again this past June and got to lead my first trip with 17 Canadian trip participants. I’m about to go again at the end of October meaning that I’ll have been to Eswatini three times in one year. If you told me five years ago that I’d eventually be traveling to Africa three times in one year I would not have believed you for a second. The fact that it’s now true is crazy! In the midst of all of those travels, I’ve touched down in South Africa and Paris on a layover. I got to exit the Charles de Gaulle Airport, walk around the Eiffel Tower (with the Olympic rings!), enjoy a delicious crêpe (my favourite food ever), and take home a croissant and some other pastries for Nate, my boyfriend, and me to enjoy at home. Yup, in my carry-on bag all the way from Paris to Toronto. So worth it! On this upcoming trip, I’ll get to spend some time in Dubai which will be unreal. I’ll be able to say I’ve stepped foot on three different continents in the last year (four if you count ours)… crazy!

I’ve also gotten the opportunity to speak about our mission at the BC Egg AGM Conference at the Fairmont Hotel in Vancouver, and at a few Ontario events. More to come! I’ve flown to and from the United States with kids from Project Canaan who have needed surgeries. I’ve been within 20 feet of African lions, elephants, giraffes, and rhinos. That is a real kind of experience, not a southern Ontario African Lion Safari type of experience. There are countless amazing memories that I’ve cultivated this year that I could go on and on about. I will cherish these memories and experiences forever, none of which I would have if I didn’t land this job at Heart for Africa (Canada). I am so incredibly grateful for being a part of this amazing mission and journey with such amazing people. I am fortunate to have found my purpose in my 20s and to be able to go to work passionate every day knowing that I am doing my best to make a small difference in the lives of those who need help in the world.

As much as the last year has been truly amazing, I have faced some challenges with this job that I want to share. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade it for a single thing, but it has been a whirlwind of emotions. It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done yet the hardest altogether. It’s been beautiful yet gut-wrenching. It’s been rewarding yet emotionally exhausting. It’s been life changing, in more ways than one. It has opened my eyes to a lot of awful that I never thought truly existed to be honest, not this bad anyways. Balancing amazing with awful on a daily basis becomes a really hard thing to do, and to get used to. And no, I don’t mean the actual day to day tasks of the job are hard or awful. Let me explain what I mean by this.

The job, and the tasks that come with it, have been amazing. It has granted me knowledge in areas that I didn’t think I’d reach in the first year of my post-secondary career. My co-workers, the relationships I’ve made, meeting and spending time with the kids and staff at Project Canaan, are and always will be so amazing. It’s the “why” that is hard. It’s the actual reason why we do this type of work that is hard. What is going on in many parts of the world, specifically in Eswatini, is awful. The fact that people are dying of starvation is awful. Extreme poverty to the point of women needing to result to desperate measures to feed their family is awful. Children being vulnerable to sexual abuse is awful. Child-headed households, where a child sometimes as young as nine years old is the oldest member of the family and in charge of taking care of seven other younger siblings, is awful. Baby dumping and abandonment due to hopeless and desperate situations is awful. It’s easy to feel all of the amazing that comes with this type of work, but trying to set aside the awful while doing your 9-5 is hard. Always thinking that you’re not doing enough is hard. All of this awful is so real yet so overlooked. It’s all happening right now, as you’re reading this very blog. Many babies and children are being abandoned as we speak, many are struggling to stay alive because they have no food and no resources, many are losing their parents or grandparents to severe sickness leaving them on their own, many are getting sexually abused, many are dying. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in my nice house, safe, drinking my Nespresso, about to make my afternoon snack after the two meals I’ve been privileged to have had today and another one left to eat. How does that make any sense? How does that make me want to sleep well at night? How does that make me want to go about my day when I know what’s going on in Eswatini every minute, and too many other places in the world. It’s hard.

I’m one to agree with the fact that, yes, there are tons of problems here at home. There are problems everywhere. It is hard here at home too don’t get me wrong. However, our hard is often incomparable to what you see in places where extreme poverty exists, and that is just not up for debate. It’s hard to convince people who have never witnessed this type of extreme poverty with their own eyes, to care about it. It’s hard to ask people, even people in your own circle, to donate when they have zero idea how bad things are in parts of this world, parts that you’ve physically been to and have seen with your own eyes. It’s hard being so extremely passionate about the work that you do and the change that you’re trying to make, and have people not care. You can’t make someone share your passion. You can’t make everyone care. I’ve struggled with that reality. The world wouldn’t be filled with awful if we all cared. It’s hard to travel, see all of the awful, and come back home to your warm bed and go about your luxurious life. By luxury I mean literally being in possession of the bare minimum. Yes, for some that’s luxury. It’s easy for the majority of us to overlook it, because we don’t see it every day, we don’t have to live it. It’s made me very sad, and has caused me to become disappointed in humanity.

I remember my first trip to Eswatini in November of 2023 like the back of my hand. Incredible, gut-wrenching, beautiful, eye-opening, joyful, heartbreaking. All the feelings and emotions. I was part of a baby pickup where we picked up three babies at a hospital who needed a safe and loving home. I visited two homesteads in rural communities where we dropped off food and supplies to families in desperate need. I participated in a church feeding program where I got to assist in distributing a full hot meal to over 100 children. A meal that could be their only meal that day, or that entire week. How can that be a reality?

I landed back in Toronto afterwards, and Nate picked me up. I didn’t talk to him about my trip for probably two weeks. I couldn’t. I was too sad, confused and so very angry at the world. I didn’t leave my condo other than to run some errands. I didn’t talk about much until I wrote my first blog, and that’s when the flood gates of tears opened up. I was anxious about social gatherings for months because I was scared someone would ask me about my trip and I’d start projectile crying in public. I was anxious about Christmas because I hated the fact that people have literally no food and live in stick and mud huts yet I’m sitting here doing a gift exchange with friends and family waiting to indulge in a full buffet dinner. It completely shook my world. I now cringe inside when people say “ugh, I’m starving!” when they haven’t eaten in two hours. Trust me, you’re not starving. And I used to be that person. I used to say a lot of things and complain about a lot of things. Now there’s this rush of visual reminders that physically stop it all from coming out of my mouth. It’s also easy to post cute photos of smiling kids on your social media from your trip and have people think it was this big positive and happy experience. Sure, a ton of it was positive and happy and so beautiful in so many ways, but there’s more to it all than cute kids and smiles. So much more.

There are things you see in movies, and sometimes you think, “Wow, could you imagine?”. Well, some of those things you see in movies that you think are unimaginable, are just a regular Tuesday for people living in extreme poverty. Let me be very clear, the takeaway of this blog is not “wow, Jocie’s job is really hard”. Not even close. This is not about me. It also doesn’t mean I want you to get rid of everything you own, never buy anything again, and live off the bare minimum. The takeaway is to just think. Sit there and be aware of how much awful is going on in this world. Think about how every few seconds people are dying of starvation or that children are being abandoned. I invite you to think about the awful but challenge you to think about the ways we can make things a little less awful and a little more amazing. Think about the ways you can make a small difference. Trust me, it’s more than possible. I have seen that difference happen with my own eyes. If everyone in the world made an effort to make that small difference, think about where the world could be instead of here. Think about how amazing things can become. Think about the HOPE we can grow in Eswatini together. Just pause, take a moment, and think about it. All of it.

Jocie Breton, Marketing Coordinator, Heart for Africa (Canada)

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